If your phone might be monitored

Read this first

If the person who might be monitoring your phone is someone who could harm you, your safety comes before your privacy. Two things matter more than any play below:

• Consider using a device they can’t access — a friend’s phone, a work or library computer — to read this page, research, and reach out for help.
• Removing monitoring software is usually visible to the person who installed it. For some people that visibility is dangerous. Each play below is marked with what the other person might notice, so nothing here surprises you.

If you are in immediate danger, contact local emergency services. For planning help, advocates at a domestic violence hotline are trained in exactly this, and techsafety.org (the Safety Net project) maintains plain-language guides.

What you’ll be able to do afterward

• You’ll know the realistic signs of monitoring — and which “signs” are myths.
• You’ll have checked the places monitoring actually hides: apps, permissions, and account access.
• You’ll have a record of what you found, stored somewhere safe.
• If you decide to remove it, you’ll do it on your schedule, with a plan.

The plays

1. Assess before you change anything When: before any other play — decide whether acting could put you at risk, and whether to involve an advocate first

   What this does: puts you in control of the order of events. Nothing on this list is urgent enough to skip this step. Visibility: none — this play changes nothing on the phone.

2. Document what you're seeing How: photos of anything suspicious taken with a different device; dates and details written somewhere the phone can't see — paper or a trusted person's device

   What this does: preserves evidence before anything gets changed or deleted, which matters if you later involve police or a court. Visibility: none, as long as the record lives off the phone.

3. Check what's installed and what has admin control Where: the full app list in your phone's settings (not the home screen), and the "device admin" or "profiles / device management" section

   What this does: surfaces apps that don't show icons and profiles that grant deep control. Monitoring tools usually live here under bland names — "System Service," "Device Health." Note them; you don't have to remove anything yet. Visibility: looking is safe; some tools report settings-opening, so browse casually.

4. Check which apps hold the dangerous permissions Where: your phone's permission manager — review Accessibility first, then Location, Microphone, Camera, and Notifications access

   What this does: checks the levers monitoring actually pulls. Accessibility access is the big one — it can read screens and keystrokes — and almost nothing you installed yourself legitimately needs it. Visibility: reviewing is quiet; revoking is noticeable (hold that for the plan in play 6).

5. Review your account access from a safe device Where: from a device they can't access — your Google or Apple account's device list, location-sharing settings, and family-sharing arrangements

   What this does: catches the monitoring that needs no software at all — a signed-in session on their device, location sharing you didn't set up, a family plan with tracking turned on. This is the most common form, and the easiest to miss. Visibility: looking is invisible; signing their device out is immediately visible.

6. Make the removal plan before removing How: decide what gets removed, in what order, on what day — ideally with an advocate if there's any safety concern; pair removal with password changes from a safe device

   What this does: turns removal into one deliberate event instead of a trickle of visible changes. Revoked permissions, deleted apps, and password changes all announce themselves — so they should happen when you've decided you're ready, not piecemeal. Visibility: high, by design — this is the step the whole page exists to protect.

7. The clean slate, if you want certainty How: back up photos and messages you need (documents and media, not app settings), then factory reset — and set the phone up as new, with new passwords, checking play 5's account list again

   What this does: removes anything the earlier plays might have missed — a reset is the one step that outruns well-hidden software. Restoring from a full backup can restore the problem, which is why this play says documents and media only. Visibility: complete — the monitoring stops working, and they will know.

You’re now covered against…

• Hidden apps and profiles — you’ve checked where they actually live, not where rumor says they live.
• Permission-based monitoring — accessibility and sensor access are accounted for.
• No-software monitoring — shared accounts and location sharing are reviewed from safe ground.
• A rushed, risky removal — whatever you do next happens on your schedule, with the visibility understood.

One honest note: a phone that behaves oddly is usually just a phone — aging batteries and buggy apps cause most “signs” people fear. The point of these plays is knowing, either way, from checks that are safe to run.

Progress is saved only on this device. It never leaves your phone.